Hello.

I had a dream this morning(I woke up past noon).

I dreamt that I was sitting beside you, talking to you and laughing as if nothing happened. I was so happy. Then suddenly, I don't know the how and the why, I had a problem with another member of our clique. What's left of it, anyway. It was about her boyfriend, hah. But it was all vague so no detail was exactly clear to me.

Then somehow we were running with her in front of us, and suddenly another one of you joined us, and we were talking and luaghing as we were running. Suddenly I remembered as if the real me was inside the dream and not the dream me and then I slowed down. You guys were gone again.

That was all.

(It's like weird I wasn't even thinking about you guys and suddenly pop out you came in my dream. Funny isn't it. Not.)

I'm not trying to act pitiful or anything, but I don't want to deny that I have cried several times over past events.

But I guess none of you ever fully understood the reasons for my actions, except for Hongyou, obviously because I told her after after and she gave me a wth reaction.

I do realise saying all this is pretty much pointless, useless and defeats the purpose, but I will still go on. Just so to make it clear, I'm not trying to achieve anything with this. I'm just...letting it out once and for all.

With you guys, I've always felt left out. You may question why, since you've pretty much included me in everything since way back when, so why? Why? I don't know, all I know was that when I walked beside all of you, I felt fat and ugly. I felt like people would think I was the fat ass who didn't belong, those who looked on. Because you guys were skinny, slim, thin and I wasn't. I thought you guys were rather pretty too. Unlike my face, sigh. A lot of guys liked you. (Well, one of you at least.) Some of the things you say hurt me and my esteem pretty badly, you know(This is to one particular person only). And I think coupled with more-than-a-few negative comments about my appearance from other people, I couldn't take it anymore so I left. Well, there's more along-the-same-lines kinda feelings but I wouldn't spit it out because then you'd see how pathetic my soul actually is. Long story short, it was just that I felt very undesired, unattractive, out of place among you guys, happy? It wasn't about anything you did, it was just...you.

You might think it's a shit reason like HY did, but whatever. I was ignorant and stupid, like we all were. Or maybe some people still are.

I understand that you were trying to be "gracious", but I didn't see your graciousness one bit when you thought that I was a lesbian and you found it awkward talking to me. Or when (all of)you came up with the test and (one)you came up to me testing me with the finger test to see if I'm a lesbian. (Sidenote: even if I am, so what? Friendship shouldn't depend on sexual orientation, but I should save my breath! And I've never told you guys about some things, because I'm afraid of your reactions so you took your theory and flew away with it, but whatev.) Or when you walked past me several times without saying hello. (These are the parts which I'm referring to about acting as if nothing happened, dumbass.) Oh yeah, and you used me, you asshole. You smsed me and asked me about HY's friend before circling in on her, remember? And then asked me what I was up doing this late, and if I were talking to Vivian. HAH. I should have suspected something then. You dare deny you did this? And you dare talk about me being sorry about my behaviour(Which I am, fyi, I admit that the posts weren't the wisest thing to do)? Omg you just amaze me, you and your nonsense.  

All I'm saying is, let's just save your graciousness, okay? Why bother now? (Also, why me? Gen got like 5 points Gwen got 10, Cai got 9, Con got 11, Mel got 9 for r4, why not say congrats to them instead?) It's pretty much wasted on me, your old ex-friend. Just forget that we even knew each other.

(Also, I wans't even referring to you. I was actually referring to the one who came up to me and asked me how I did with a smile and told me how she did like I cared. Funny how you thought it was you though.)

Is that too much to ask?  

Monday's looming ahead and will descend upon us in just a few more days. For the three hundred over ones of us, our fates will be decided then. I hope I will achieve good results, for my good friends to do the same too, and for those who have put in a whole lot of effort into the cramming and studying, who deserve the fruit that they have been labouring for. I know all of us are feeling the heat and are waiting in nervous anticipation for 14 00 hr on 12 Jan 2010. At the same time, though, I can't wait for it to be over and move on to new horizons(TP, NP OR SP?). Excitement is in the air!

Went to TP's Open House again ystd, and found it so-so. I didn't see any hot guys! SO SAD! Vivian thinks the lecturer possesses a certain kind of charisma that comes with age and makes him looks handsome though ._.

I'm kinda-sorta pulled by NP's Subway and SP's Karaoke! If only all the schools could combine into one another I would be die of happiness LOL.  

Idk which of these three schools to choose, because my Dad and Mom were from SP, my Dad's currently in NP and TP is like the nearest. But SP has train which defeats the whole distance thing and NP, though it has subway and good facilities, needs shuttle bus which is so troublesome cause I have punctuality issues. ARGH. If only my Dad can move house now then I can decide based on my new location HAHA. Anyone got suggestions? ^^

Watched the Morgans ystd night and I find SJP's voice annoying! Hugh Grant's accent is sexy though!

OKAI I'm going to shower and get ready to go out with my Vivian already!

GOODBYE AND WAIT FOR MONDAY IN EAGERNESS PEOPLE.

(OH AND IM IN LURVE WITH THE RING DONG DONG SONG ITS SO ADDICTIVE YAY!)

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I confess that in 2009, I have…

( ) stayed single for the whole year
( ) made out in/on a car vehicle
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) celebrated Halloween (prelims or sth)
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
( ) broke someone else’s heart
( ) had a stalker
(x) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
(XXXXXXX) someone questioned your sexual orientation
( ) gotten pregnant (._.)
( ) had an abortion
(x) have a relationship with someone you’ll never forget
(x) done something you’ve regretted
( ) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe

OTHER
( ) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
( ) ran a mile
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
(x) posted a blog
(x) listened to music you couldn’t stand
( ) went to a sleepover
( ) went camping
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
( ) visited a foreign country
(x) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren’t
( ) partied to celebrate the new year
( ) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you

In 2009 you…
(x) broke a promise
(x) lied
(x) went behind your parents back
(x) cried over a broken heart
(x) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
( ) slept under the stars
( ) kept your new years resolution
(x) forgot your new years resolution
(x) met someone who changed your life
( ) met one of your idols
( ) changed your outlook on life
(x) sat home all day doing nothing
(x) pretended to be sick
( ) left the country
( ) almost died
(x) given up something important to you
( ) lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
(x) tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(XXXXXXX) found out who your true friends were
(XXXXXX) met great people
( ) stayed up til sunrise
(XXXXXX) cried over the silliest thing
( ) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(XXXXXXX) had friends who were drifting away from you
( ) had someone close to you die
(x) had a high cell phone bill
(x) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
( ) went to the beach with your best friend
(x) saw a celebrity
(x) gotten sick
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time
(X) became closer with a lot of people

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Taken from Gen's blog (:

Work today was part boring and part fun.

Hongyou told me a story on snakes and drew her family tree. Boss told us stories about Hongyou when Hongyou was very young, and they're quite adorable actually. I like the cake story, HAHA! (:

The air conditioner broke down in the office upstaris so we had to move down to the main meeting room to do our paging. We couldn't really gossip and talk, but boss kept us entertained.

We're having a Gift Exchnage next week, and I have no idea what I'm going to buy, help! I can't buy real femenine stuff, because there's Victor. I can't buy chocolates either, because boss gets a headache when she consumes them! Hmmm. Maybe I can buy toffee sweets. Is toffee chocolate? HAHAHA. Sorry I really don't know.  Time to visit the Candy Empire and the Cocoa Tree! Yay.

Christmas dinner is on 29 Dec and I'm beginning to look forward to it.

Today I was texting Mark, and we were talking:

Me: Eh. you guys went out tg?! ._.

Mark: What's wrong??

Me: Hahaha. Never jio me! D: Not like I can anyway XD HAHAHA.

Mark: Lol, kenny him and me went to meet up.... (blah blah blah)... Don't misunderstand!

Me: Hahaha. No lah. :) But if got outing jio me k? :) Though I'm only free after six -.- We can have dinner tgt! :)

Mark:  LOL I dunno what to say to that XD Got X already la so you gotta find someone else!! Dean!!!

(Deanny, if you're reading, I know you have Baby-G already so HAHAHAHAHA anyway if you didn't I wouldn't SO YAH HAHAHAHA. Tsk, the nickname so cute right! I think of one leh! HAHAHAH.)

Me: -.- You sucker. You DO know what I meant right? :P

Mark: Huh what??

Me: ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME D:

Mark: No!! What do you mean?? I'm confused now lol!! Relax btw! 

Me: -.- I said must jio me go out with y'all! Then you say you got X already -.- I meant ask me go along lah -.-

Mark: Oh I see jio then I thought jio girl right??? I'm not hokkien!!!! Hahaha XD Malu + paiseh sia!! XDDD

Me: Mark, hai, Mark. Even though everyone thinks you're cute, don't flatter yourself. HAHAHA!

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So cute right? LOL.

I love Markie Barkie and Deanny. They're awesome!

Work today was slow. Only completed two stacks of files today. We had subway though, so that was a plus. I had tuna as always( it's easy to tell I'm a creature of habit.) I HEART SUBWAY TUNA!!!!

You see this? It looks like an innocent pair of shoes, pretty harmless. But damn do you have the wrong idea because these were perpetually pinching my sorry little toes. They were killing me, killing me softly(sorry couldn't resist HAHA). I was linking arms with Chuns on the train ride home because the pain was driving me delirious.

(We sighted a bull! HAHAHA kay another inside joke I shall stop being annoying.)

I swear on my poor blistered feet that I will never even harbour the intention of purchasing a pair of heels that's under 30 bucks ever again. Unless, of course, it's reallllly pretty and I will die if I can't have it. True words of someone who values the aesthetic over the practical.  

Usually I wear slippers, sandals or flats to work, but my outfit today suited this particular heels more, I think. Yeah, I am given much freedom in my attire, which is pretty cool.

Chio?! HAHAHA. I know the answer, and the answer is no. HAHAHA. 'Cause my legs would look so much nicer if I was like a few inches taller than my height with heels on, making the outfit look more pleasing on a whole. Anyway, I felt so outdated today when I was traveling, because I mean, who even wears red pants anymore?!

(Don't say ah-lians or I will box you!) 

Btw, this is me to the rescue!!! (Scanner was causing headaches by jamming every few seconds!!!)

Okay fine Hongs and Chuns helped too, HAHA.

Hong you was kind enough to give me her Hello Kitty plasters!! ILY BABE!

Pink one! 

Blue one!

So pretty, aren't they? 

Chop chop! The chopper looks so sleek here, all thanks to my skill! HAHAH. I kid.

This is the file we are going to work on tomorrow. Please don't comment and think that I am slacking in my job or that my job is very easy because hell when you've got to use the chop chop above to chop these papers, it's simply no easy feat. I think Chuns and Hongs agree, yes?

Hongyou being her SLACKER self during work. Honestly, after returning to work, she has like been doing nothing every day(don't kill me it's the honest truth) and if she wasn't like one of my babes I would strangle her already.

Pictorial proof of her laziness:

(Slack so much! Eat cookie some more! HAHAH actually before her I had finished one of my cookies in the office as well HAHAH.)

She pestered me while I was scanning and importing as well!

Hongs and Chuns disappeared downstairs for a while to have some files gone through, so I took some Black&White photossssss.

(Exception, because the paper is pink! Pink over black! Yay!)

When Hongs left, I got high and drew on the pink paper box.

(The photo is pretty self-explanatory. The reflection on my arm is caused by my shirt! Cool, no?)

Chuns and Mins! I like this photo a lot.

HAHAHA. It's getting so convenient just s-ing everyone's names. I admit that I have a tendency to be lazy, heh.

Last of all, I'm going to give you guys an Early Xmas gift!

MWAH!

*ROFLS* Nice gift right?

I know, I know. You guys love me. 

NI HAO!

It's been pretty long since I've said this, but I've been saying this rather recently again, for some unknown reasons. I just feel like saying it again. I dunno. HAHA.

I've been thinking about a lot of things and I have decided that I REALLY don't want to care about what others think at all. And I am really going to make true my words. I am going to forget all about it. :)

(Uploading my photos one by one and it's sooo annoying. My own com is spoilt so I'm using my dad's com. Heh.)

I found out some major news yesterday and like OMGOMGOMG it's sooo disgusting?! HAHA. Seriously. Someone witha face like that shouldn't be given er, opportunities like that. HAHA. Evil! But yah, it's worth being evil to these kinds of persons.

PHOTOS FROM WORK!

Hong you is the criminal here. Not me.

HAHAHA. I know, stop laughing. Hong you laughs whenever she looks at these photos -.- 

Introducing...

Chuns!

She's very hardworking and  eager to learn. Not to mention super lame and retarded(in a good way). She and Hongyou always talk about their primary school days and jokes and lame stuff like that which really makes you want to just -.- all the time. HAHAHA.

Lame people!

Hong you the slackerrrrrrr.

See I am so hardworking can!

(Please overlook the fact that I am shoeless, HAHA!)

Okay fine maybe not so hardworking HAHAH.

(And I realised Chuns is super bad at taking photos. No offence.)

Hong you's chio heels. I personally wouldn't wear it but yeah, it looks hot on her.

Ghost haunting the office! HAHA.

Chuns getting a headache from work. She's leaving for a Body Shop job next month. Sadddd.

Chuns and me!

She's so honest can. I went to work with minimum makeup one day. And while she went down to get drinks, I put on eyeliner like there was no tomorrow. And then when she came in she was like, "Why you suddenly so pretty?"

Like !!!!! Thanks, I get the idea. HAHAHA. I kid. I'm not taking your words to heart because duh, I have no reason to. HAHAHA.

Okay okay I shall stop being thick-skinned.

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Went out with Monsters after my work.

I didn't see Cai because she had dance. SAD.

I miss Cai! She's away and I haven't seen her for ages ages ages!

Come back soooooon BABE/BABY!

HAHAHA.

(Okay inside joke)

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In the summer I miss you
In the winter I miss you
It don't matter what I do
Since you went away

Someone is away and I feel so empty.